31st December 2013

Sonnet 58

Twenty-five years and she was still his slave,

Treated like some Thai bride bought for pleasure,

Labour saving big white goods all she'd crave:

Spinning fast to get her back some leisure.

He liked to be cash cow Alpha at beck

Of his Blackberry; while her liberty

To roam was kept in tight domestic check:

Night time duty's insult to her injury.

He's made redundant, his chances not strong

 First World economies run on part-time,

Shame he's been deskilled; but now she'll belong

To her job - tracking global cyber crime.

Life without work's indiscriminate hell:

Happy New Year - I wish all of us well.

                   

30th December 2013

Sonnet 57


Why don't wives of bigamous husbands tend

To give in to instinctual desire

And track the path of his credit card spend

Or him, with GPS, should it require?

Once his umpteenth tea's been cooked for an hour

He calls - soooo sorry to disappoint you

Again.  And this doesn't turn spouses sour...

Goodbye... goodbye... hello goodbye ... adieu?

 Nor cares she to question her jealous thought

Where all his overtime goes; I suppose 

If she did her efforts would be for nought,

Years of sacrifice...you can't get back those.

Lost luxury of ignorances (Will)

Leaves us less or more innocence and ill .

29th December 2013

Sonnet 56

On my satnav  searching for where she said,

Mounting in my cab whets  the appetite,

Man's base need for speed dating gets allayed

Without the stress of will, or won't, or might.

Lads 'n' lassies cruise Gumtree for the fill

Up that gives their dirty tanks a fullness

 Diesel fuel'd marriage bedtime sex might kill:

The drive's for adrenalin, not dullness.

All networks lead to where we want to be,

Virtual pastures all too actual and new,

Let's stay and graze just long enough to see

How true your online profile is to view.

    Winter driving takes all my skill and care,

    Surfing makes sunshine a little less rare.

28th December 2013

Sonnet 55

Out of town malls faked-up like monuments

Where poets go to sup caffeine and rhyme,

Ruminating on paninis' contents,

Analysing cookies; cakes; sex and time.
 
Profit is loss, turnover/overturn

The fabricated concrete masonry -

There can be no force of nature will burn

 To commit this Pompeii to memory:

New ones get built faster than enmity

Breeds one to one war in the changing room,

What one wears what counts for posterity

Amid consumer mentality doom.

If the need for some refund should arise,

We die in this, and other shoppers' eyes.

27th December 2013

Sonnet 54

Ex-soap now reality stars who seem

To have much more than they can ever give,

Battling addictions, depressions we deem

Collateral damage for the way they live.

They've got the Marilyn* look with tattoo dye,

Bunny girls and guys bunched up like roses

For self-exposure and their wantonly

Pursuit of what short term fame discloses.

Reel to reel remastered silverscreen show

Ties her ghost to us, we can't let her fade;

She's still selling No 5 Chanel so

Shareholders reap  profit legend made.

Nude's not wearing drops of her bottled youth:

Wake up and smell the stench of corporate truth.


*Monroe

26th December 2013

Sonnet 53

When we sexskype - it's like you're cyber made

In a virtual environment to tend

Promiscuous orchids who seek half-shade

And conserve what function they bloom for lend

To weddings;   some guests might wear counterfet

Corsage: but who could pin that on you

With your  male/female mottled organ set?

Androgyny in plants is nothing new.

In this our silver anniversary year

Since we eloped without the wedding show

When all knowing relatives should appear

To whisper whispers... what I'll never know. 

Our screens freeze for the big "I Love You" part,

Bees stole your solely reproductive heart.

24th December 2014

Sonnet 52

Not so much wedding ring as Bluebeard's key

To not just the money type of treasure,

Those designer brands your girlfriends survey

(They don't give either of us much pleasure)

Are merely icing on what's a bit more rare,

Craved by persons in the A to Z set:

Take me to where the cool aftershows are -

Fame's the only to die for carconet.

Who guessed I'd want that bauble on my chest?

Me who said she'd nothing so base to hide,

Materialism's not what me blest:

Craving recognition's my black pride.

Such slight bauble that turns me in it's scope

Like shades of Christmas.  Love for love, and hope.

23rd December 2013

Sonnet 51

Sleeping at the wheel's my motoring offence,

One careful laydee driver's sex drive speed

Round the domestic circuit to and thence -

It's  dissatisfying  Him Indoors' need.

Lascivious wee texts begin to find

Their way to him since her steerage went  slow,

His moby whistles (it's not in your mind):

Starter's orders (you are the last to know).

I've been running at panto horse pace,

 Mrs.Me at the arseblind end who made

Love for love's sake a fight to the death race,

Ears pricked  for lovers' whistles (Shakespeare's jade).

    "They're just for sex, not love..." God you're soooo slow -

     They're just waiting for this old nag to go.

22nd December 2013

Sonnet 50

They told me you had it too much your own way;

 I'd regret both route and journey's end,

He Gets Away With Murder they'd all say,

(There's no enemy like A Worried Friend).

That you didn't learn to drive did cause me woe,

Although it has bred dependence on me...

...whose hands on the steering wheel...but I know

I cruised past the car crash of me and thee .

Every marriage needs a panic room on

Four wheels - domestic transporter to hide

In the carpark for a good cry and grone

Once you've see who's been left on the blind side. 

    Driving lesson number one burns my  mind:

    Check every 10 seconds for what's behind. 

21st December 2013

Sonnet 49



Not Guilty - now our big Tell All can come,

A press-primed jury loved the big defect

 In your case, that astronomical sum

We spent bounced back to you in all respects

When PR court disaster came to pass:

Art guy rubbed your nose in the public eye .

We've all got dirty secrets, but that was

Oh-so-not part of goddess gravitie.

Hacks circle (stars get burnt at the stake here)

For what's left once love and kindness desert

Or die; filthy lucre gets to uprear,

Decency grabs what's a small walk-on part,

    Millionaires pay briefs to playact our laws,

    Love's the last defence against such a cause.

20th December 2013

Sonnet 48

How carefull were you when you took your way,

Each trifle under truest barres to thrust,

That to your use it might un-used stay

From hands of your wife, in sure wards of trust?

But thou, to whom my jewels trifles are,

Most worthy comfort, now my greatest griefe,

You best of deerest, and mine only care,

Art left  prey of every golddigga theefe.

Thee have I not lockt up in any chest,

Save where thou art not, (though I feel thou art),

Within the gentle closure of my brest,

From whence at pleasure thou maist come and part,

    And even thence thou wilt be fleec'd I feare,

    For youths proove thievish for a prize so deare. 

19th December 2013

Sonnet 47

It's true - it was drastic action I took

To please my Significant Other:

It's a Full Montyesque makeover look -

I had Post Divorce Syndrome to smother

And felt obliged to feed her eyes a feast

With this big Shakespeareanesque heart,

Take a closer look - be my honoured guest;

Don't matter how you peer there is no part

Left of what romantics call "My First Love".

Yes, he may have had the first shot at me,

But that's cool - here's the sign of how times move:

My whole body tattoo tribute's to thee.

    There's not a bare patch of flesh left in sight,

    Round my eyes I inked (You're our)  (Heart's delight).

  

18th December 2013

Sonnet 46

When you and me split it was all out war ,

We literally couldn't stand each other's sight,

I got revenge sex down the singles bar,

It's cheap it's nasty I'm not sure it's right.

I'm estranged, I said , I don't need to lie!

Then I saw you reflected in their eyes:

A tattooed visage is hard to deny -

And does more damage than transparent lies.

Get all my one night stands empannell'ed,

Choose how to camouflage what's  on my heart,

"And by their verdict is determin'ed"

How the remnant of you on me will part.

    This obliteration tho' whole, not part,

    Won't remove your face from  my skin, or heart.

17th December 2013

Sonnet 45

Olden peeps would just chuck them on the fire,

 Torn photos of those they couldn't abide;

Monochrome shots of their long dead desire;

 Big white wedding on silver nitrate slide.

Now, I let you press "delete" - and I'm gone -

When I'm not  wallpaper I'm dead to thee,

Have smartphone signal - will avoid "alone",

Update on your flight from melancholie:

Here's how little it takes to be recurred:

Ten seconds is all I can stand of thee;

That's how long my full attention's assured

(Except for selfies when it's me on me).

   Instagrams in the dark to make me glad,

   Send me some ash through our ether of sad.

16th December 2013

Sonnet 44

To transform my bot through positive thought

I tried to take the yoga bunny way,

Desperate for benefits transcending brought;

Plus  for my "Hens Go Mad in Paris!" stay.

We had 10 minutes waiting on the stand

To disembark, it was great without thee!

Me and  my besties  say Hello! Disneyland:

The virgin princesses we used to be.

"But all thought kills me that I am not thought"

My pelvic floor had got up and gone;

Arrested: they said I was overwrought

On duty free - that's not what made me moan.

    Did head down dog up the aisle - kept it slow

    It was getting stuck rear up caused  my woe.

15th December 2013

Sonnet 43

He's got this hard core porn addiction, see?

It leaves all us laydees unrespected;

He claims those downloads don't kill "I love thee" -

But I know how his brain gets directed.

It makes no odds if he's stupid or bright:

Turning on guys requires some visual show,

They're like moths dancing round the same old light:

Come back female eunuchs!  (You told us so).

He says those back sac 'n' crack guys have made

Him feel insecure in cold light of day,

Their abs make him want to hide in the shade

And not compete with their power to stay...

    ...he swears "I can't keep it up to please thee -

    It's himbos not bimbos who tease me!"



  

14th December 2013

Sonnet 42

"That thou hast her it is not all our griefe",

She's a nightmare and she'll cost you dearly;

We were her personal shoppers- in -chief

Worshipping at her ...guess that's a nearly.

"...Faithful...O Come All..." on endless loop "...Ye..." 

Joyful?   It depressed us both about her,

Never about us - it was Me Me Me:

And yet our  loyalty was still due  her.

Spreading her wealth was adding to our gain, 

We're not to blame - she never noticed loss -

Neither did he til he used us  twain

Accused to beat her with a courtroom cross.

    Sisters in the dock, defending as one;

    It's rich sending two cupcakes down  alone.











  

13th December 2013

Sonnet 41

I think it's some ghost in you that commits

Adultery,  not just of the living  heart -

You're at it like a tomcat as befits

Artistic licence for the sake of art

Just one look from the ladies and they've won

You for the night, no-one's harassed, assailed,

Spot the legacy from father to son:

 Old genetic  heraldry has prevailed.

So shoot me - I've projected a forebear

Dad on you I didn't know in his youth,

But I know him now and god he's all there -

Inherited energy's living truth.

    It's a double whammy on me by thee;

    You're middle man for him through you to me.

12th December 2013

Sonnet 40

Take all my friends sister - yeah have them all,

You've got more pals now than you did before

But of the sort who'll block your tearful call

After midnight - were you hoping for more?

They'll blacklist you and they won't receivest

(NB it's my contacts list you've usest)

You're deluding yourself (self-deceavest)

If you're dreaming they won't you refusest.

You're not all bad sis, I know you're no thief,

You won't dump me in social poverty;

It wasn't your motive to bring me grief,

Sibling rivalry?   Minor injury.

     We've got that BFFE* gene: it shows

     We have to share friends, so we won't be foes.


*Best Friends For Ever

11th December 2013

Sonnet 39

I'm sorry - but it's leaving makes my heart sing,

Don't most WAG's and partners feel like me

Embracing all that solitude can bring

After hours and years of thee upon thee?

The vast majority of me can live;

Co-exist; tolerate; survive your one,

Agree; acquiesce; grudgingly admit, give

In when she'd much rather be left alone...

Then when you say we've nothing left to prove;

No matter how bad it is, you won't leave;

What we've got now's the real McCoy of love;

That indiscretions don't count or deceive

     The bigger part of us that makes us twain:

     There's not much of me left wants to remain.

10th December 2013

Sonnet  3(oops!)7

Does it ever fill first wives with delight

When estranged hubbies take refuge in  youth

Chasing young women?  It's not out of spite -

We all prefer fresh meat, and that's the truth.

When he laughs at her uncynical wit,

She knows it's not routine sex any more,

She trains him like a dog to eat; beg; sit;

Roll over ; play dead - that's what she's in store.

Our union left him lame, poor and despised,

He needed a mistress with love to give

And some domestic comforts that sufficed

To make him feel he had reason to  live.

    He used  to spend all his money on me:

    It makes me mad now it's going to thee.

9th December 2013

Sonnet 38


Those guys on Tin Pan Alley could invent

Ten tunes in a day and nine times more verse -

The sentiment's still ***** excellent

It's the practice we don't want to rehearse.

Back in the day when there was only me,

Exclusive pin-up,  no witness in sight

But we acted betrothed, us like one thee

Sleeping bathed in red digital clock light:

The alarm was old songs - what were they worth?

We're not like swans (so lads' mags invocate)

Married for life, mating from this day forth;

A first kiss on every groundhog first date .

Different muses, different songs, different days...

Subject not object's the tune to your praise.

8th December 2013

Sonnet 36

Funny Valentine for us two's "we twain"

Who Walk on by...wait on...corner - that one

I...I Love You But We're Strangers ...  remain...

Stand By Me...  no won't be afraid... alone..

R-E-S-P-E-C-T... no, respect

This D.I.V.O.R.C.E  in spite

Of I love you But We're Strangers  effect

"Sweets For My Sweet, honey for ...."   her delight .

Sylvia's Mother she doesn't ....thee

Lola Delilah Jolene she's no shame;

Those girls ... You've Lost That Loving Feeling me;

Heard you Knock Three Times - That's Not My Name.

Your behaviour's the Please Release Me sort,

A School's Out forEVER kind of report.

7th December 2013

Sonnet 35

Here's where the wives get dropped once  love is done,

Crying in spas caked in Dead Sea mud,

Obsessing short winter breaks in the sun,

Nipping thoughts and fears of "her" in the bud,

Didn't their shrinks say it would be like this?

Those virgin brides had nothing to compare

If matrimony's young dream went amiss,

But we know that self-help is  where we  are...

...So divorce: then admit deja vu sense

Of  him when all your old pals advocate

Getting back in the saddle to commence

A battle against self-loathing and hate.

Self-conflicted's not a good place to be:

I need to therapise you out of me. 

6th December, 2013

Sonnet 34

Sunflower colossus dominates my day,

Dining  outside all weathers was your cloak -

The jealous gent doth protest too much, way

Too much - no domestic fire without smoke.

Who knows whose mob.pics gave the press their break,

Black rage weighing  your heavy seedy   face,

You got me eclipsed so I could not speak,

But my darkness  is just passing disgrace.

Maybe it's all those kids gave us the grief;

Child rearing's to their profit and our loss,

Couples don't get sex breaks like tax relief;

It's weight gain; tooth rot; glasses and hair loss.

Light a starry life sheds (Our Bard wrote "sheeds")

Promises rich offspring, sparse lover's deeds.


* Shakespeare's sonnet 34.

5th December 2013

Sonnet 33


What's the giant Cyclops head sunflower seen

That turns his solar power'd and driven eye

With  beaten golden petals drowning in green

Seas of photosynthesised alchemy?

Symbolic devotion alone can't ride

Out global warming; tidal waves or face

Industrial pesticides; choose to hide

The consequences of waste and disgrace.

The brutal brilliant truth's you need my shine

To pattern those potent seeds in your brow,

If harvests fail - you say the fault's all mine,

But how many seasons left to us now?

Here's the maths theory part,  don't disdaineth,

Fibonacci* style's how you guys staineth.



*alludes to seeds gaining maximum advantage by virtue of mathematical sequence discovered by Fibonacci.

4th December, 2013

Sonnet 32
               \
En route a  Paris (for xth b'day)

Didn't choose  flight time read  for it's cover,

He's not the kind of guy you'd re-survey

When hoping for a mile high club lover.

Overnighters rock if your job's p/time,

Nae cash , but the mighty sword that's his pen

Compresses time; space and love to a rhyme:

Brummie Bill* - long dead prince among you men.

Sonnets revisited!  That's what I thought

Would help me to love in a middle age;

That and the Hermes souvenir he brought
                                                      \
Home Duty Free (This season's "Equipage").

    He : There's no love "style" left alone can prove;

    She: This is proof you've still some left of love...


*The bard is thought to have come from Birmingham.

3rd December 2013

Sonnet 31

Our couples sex ed. should explore a heart's

Function when the libido spark's gone dead:

What to do when the private laydee parts

Wish they could just be dead and buri'ed.

No cougar  over forty sheds a tear

(She can't bear to face hubby's gimlet eye,

It's when she wants peace that's apt to appear)

Shamelessly giving him the headache lie.

There's just the one place where man love can live,

Home of primal urges that won't be  gone.

Once everywoman, I've nothing to give -

And who wants to live on memories alone?

    Too long a marriage mixes "I" with thee -

    I'm not sure who's lost most patience with me.

2nd December 2013

Sonnet 30

#midwifecrisis - that's my big thought

For those who can't reconcile past

Effects of stay at home life they sought

With what Sheryl* says is their career waste;

It's unfeminist to go with the flow,

Same bedtime stories night after night,

There's no-one to blame but you for your woe -

Making COO now's right out of  sight.

Economically active - that's a foregone,

 No pensions left for us when it's all o'er,

Tending kids is a first to third world move,

We can't go back to mumsy like before.

    Who's time to be mother; whore; wife and friend

    When our opportunities have no end?


*Sandberg,  Chief Operating Officer , Facebook.

1st December 2013

Sonnet 29

You look best with big big hair; black kohl'd eyes;

But the paps like you looking in a state,

 You don't do sad little Cath Kidson cries;

Equating sex with food is your just fate.

Stepford wives  - they do not compute false hope,

They measur'd your life by what you possess'd -

The Mister was rich -  so that was the scope

Of pity (you've got some millions at least).

The irony of him caught despising

You while dining al fresco in said state

Gave rise to column inches - arising

Bitches of jealous revenge at your gate.

   Pretended joys that being married brings!

   Common to goddesses**; hausfraus and kings. 


*Cath Kidston - purveyor of  "nice" domestic goods.

**As in domestic.

30th November 2013

Sonnet 28

Heeey! Back on message here endeth my plight,

Time to put those lonely demons to rest

Since we got reconnected  thru' the night:

No constant updates made me feel oppressed.

The moon; the sun, and planets yet to reign,

Spin  x-rays to a waiting dark; while me -

I hear my networks's satellite complain

It's eight long hours since I received from thee.

Meanwhile... the ex has texted (not that bright

But I see she's still got those tits like heaven)

What's torturing me is what you did last night?

We were exclusive under yester's 'eaven!

    Satellites collide ...but whose lasts longer?

    My screen's screaming: it's her signal's stronger!

29th November 2013

Sonnet 27

There's  no such time as a good time for bed,

Come midnight and I'm nowhere near tired -

Updating my status, texts in my head:

Need for 8 hours nod has long since expired .

Front of face  where I let my mob. abide

Thru' the wee small hours  - loves, I yet tweet thee,

It's dark but my screen's 3 light inches wide,

Some toute suite scroldown's what I want to see. 

Moby's gone AWOL it's out of my sight!

My wallpaper's you in full frontal view!!

I don't think I can make it through tonight ,

Sweet updates keep me abreast of what's new,

    Love's instant recall ... what I had in  mind...

    Just can't remember... who I want to find...

28th November 2013

Sonnet 26


It's obvious - being wed's like vassalage;

Twenty years down the line and your brow's knit

With his moods - there's way too much ambassage

Required by me to make-up for his "wit".

If I had the courage I'd take what's mine,

(But no pre-nups way back then to show it,

It was just what belongs to me is thine :

We were young!  We wanted to bestow it!

These days the missus is only moving

Him to boredom with her nagging aspect,

It's been some time since we felt like loving;

Blame my lunar cycle in that respect,

    Me feels like  same old me - like thee's still thee...

    Or is there something you want to tell me?

27th November 2013

Sonnet 25

No matter how well matched we were in the stars

Now, "She doesn't understand me"s your boast,

Ten grand's been spent on lapdancers in bars -

All I'd charge is peace and quiet at most.

Under our bed your fave centrefold spread

Laid out on a plate like feast for your eye:

Torn-up lovesex got dead and buri'ed

In the place where Romantics go to die.

If we add up my net sexual worth

(Disregard  extra-maritals  I foiled),

I'm not sure...but I don't think that it quite

Covers 20 years of "I do" sex toiled...

    What's left can still be priceless and beloved:

    Just get my MasterCard limit removed...

26 November 2013

Sonnet 24

I love you, Ryan Reynolds, your buff steeld

Torso in my Metro today  I heart

(Even though you've got some romcom chick held

Next to your smooth chest) you , work of art.

Who cares how much it takes director's skill -

Through  loves' lenses the camera never lies

I swear to you he looked straight at me still

Dream of him undressing me with his eyes.

Please could we meet once today's filming's done?

 Understand how you're at the heart of me,

See, it's not some celeb A-lister sun

Fake tanning- what transforms me's thee.

    If  look don't touch is what's movie star art -

    I'll stick  your DVD on in my heart .

25th November 2013

Sonnet 23

Our handhelds hold us at honeymoon stage,

That bit when we're both sooooo excited part,

Before our accumulations of rage

Built anti-viral firewalls round our heart.

My new contract's worth 3,000 texts, say:

3,000 sends of the "message to" rite

Should be sufficient to halt love's decay -

But you don't use yes/no, it's  maybe...might.

I'm sick of dead end screen tied eloquence,

How about sexting - a pic of my breast?

For you tongue tied guys it's the recompense,

How our virtual commitment gets expressed.

    There's built-in obsolescence in what's writ,

    A pic says more than too predictive wit.

24th November 2013

Sonnet 22

Vodka's the antidote to looking old,

Every night's date night like it's our first date -

Six shots and I'm still a sight to behold,

Who needs fantasy sex to expiate

Long nights in the marital sack with thee,

It helps not to take it too much to heart

When you say RiRi's rear view's not like me,

Suggesting I get sexy body art.

When you've tanked a bottle I get wary,

(Since every night's the same) I know you will

Turn on the full nasty, mean and chary -

This excess consumption's making me ill.

    I'll dim down the lights til sleep's got you slain:

    Once you're sober - I'll look my  age again.